I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
