Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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