Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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