So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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