OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
