She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
