I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
