We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
