Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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