He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
