it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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