South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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