So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
