i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
