Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
