Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm both gender and math confused
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
