party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
