there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
