I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
