Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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