Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
