Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
