I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
