And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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