1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
