We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
