i jhust puked up my retainher.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
