The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
