fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
