all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
