dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
