Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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