There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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