WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
last night I used snow as a chaser
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
