she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
