So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
