So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
