Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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