i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
