you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
