What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
