There is no way he is gay with that hair.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
