Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
