There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would ride that face into the sunset
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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