when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
