I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
