so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
