No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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