i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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