I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
